At a glance:
- A lack of support: In a survey of 1,674 people, Good Mourning found that only 30% felt adequately supported when returning to work after loss, and 79% said they didn’t have enough time off.
- Far reaching impact: One in three said grief affected their ability to think, focus, or remember, making it easy to misread as disengagement or poor performance.
- Grief isn’t just sadness: it’s a cognitive, physical, and emotional experience that shows up differently in every person.
- Leaders don’t need to have all the answers: They need to show up, keep checking in, and make space for grieving employees.
Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience and will impact every organisation. From the death of a parent, to infertility, and even relationship breakdown, the people in your team are navigating grief in myriad ways. And often trying to show up as their pre-loss selves at work.
Grief is complex and meeting it can feel uncomfortable. But the workplaces that turn towards grief, rather than away from it, are best placed to create workplaces where people feel seen, supported, and valued.
Sally Douglas, Co-Founder of Good Mourning, joined Sonder to share what she’s learned from years of honest conversations about loss, backed by community data from over 1,600 people impacted by grief. In this webinar, Sally explores how grief shows up differently for people and how to help teams navigate adversity in ways that strengthen empathy, connection, and resilience.
Watch the full recording here, or catch up on the highlights below.
Meet the expert: Sally Douglas
Sally is a grief educator, speaker, and the co-founder of Good Mourning, a global grief platform that has reached and supported millions of people worldwide. She co-created the platform with Imogen Carn after both women tragically lost their mothers unexpectedly just months apart. Sally is also the co-author of the bestselling book Good Mourning: Honest Conversations About Grief and Loss.
Only 30% of grieving employees felt adequately supported at work
When a team member faces loss, most organisations focus on the immediate response. Sending flowers, writing cards, and offering compassionate leave are important. But for many experiencing loss, these gestures should only be the first step.
A recent survey of 1,674 people in Good Mourning’s community revealed interesting trends in how grief is handled at work. 79% of respondents said they didn’t have enough time off, while 7 in 10 didn’t feel adequately supported when returning to work.
There’s loads of support in the first few weeks… but around the two-to-six-month mark it intensifies and gets lonely. That’s the grief support cliff, and it’s when support matters most.
Co-Founder, Good Mourning
The timing of support matters too. In the first few days and weeks after a loss, people tend to be surrounded by friends and family. But as time passes, so does the level of care they receive. Sally calls this the grief support cliff.
What does grief look like at work?
One of the biggest misconceptions about grief is that it’s synonymous with sadness. But Sally highlights that it’s actually a cognitive event that puts the prefrontal cortex under massive strain, impacting everything from decision-making to concentration to memory.
One in three survey respondents said grief affected their ability to think, focus, or remember.
In fact, grief expert and neuroscientist Dr Mary-Frances O’Connor has studied exactly what happens to the brain during grief. She offers a helpful analogy: after a loss, the brain is like a Google Maps app that has to reroute to figure out how to live without that person.
In a workplace context, grief can easily be mistaken for a lack of motivation, poor performance, or even disengagement. In reality, it’s a significant life event that can lead to brain fog, exhaustion, and overwhelm, and even withdrawal from others.
What grief feels like for those experiencing it:
- “Focusing on my job was hard… I felt distant from everyone.”
- “Interacting with people felt overwhelming. I couldn’t hold in my emotions.”
- “I had severe memory loss… I couldn’t remember meetings.”
Plus, grief isn’t a singular experience. Sally shares that there is a spectrum of loss that includes anticipatory grief, pet loss, serious illness, pregnancy loss, and even relationship breakdowns.
Someone can be grieving deeply and look absolutely fine. The Type A griever copes by getting back to work and smashing deadlines; don’t assume they don’t need support.
Co-Founder, Good Mourning
Understanding how people grieve differently
Everyone’s experience of grief is unique. However, there are common themes in how grief shows up that can help managers understand it.
Sally points to the work of researchers Doka and Martin on styles or patterns of grieving. Broadly, there are two types of grievers: intuitive and instrumental grievers.
| Intuitive griever | Instrumental griever |
| More feeling than thinking Focused on processing and expressing Find strength by talking through grief with others What helps: space to talk, regular check-ins | More thinking than feeling Takes a cognitive approach Focused on doing and actively responding to grief What helps: practical involvement – plan, organise, take action |
While most people experience a blend of both, this framework offers a useful insight into how a person might want to be supported after a loss. Sally encourages leaders to follow the employee’s lead, rather than making assumptions about what they need.
It’s not a problem to be fixed and they’re not someone to be managed. Their grief is something to be held with compassion and care.
Co-Founder, Good Mourning
What to say (and what not to say) when a grieving colleague returns to work
When a grieving colleague returns to work, coworkers may be hesitant to interact or check in. It’s not because these employees don’t care, but because they often don’t know what to say.
Unfortunately, silence signals that the loss isn’t welcome at work.
But there are simple language shifts that team members can use to create a space where grieving employees feel supported in sharing their emotions and processing what’s happened.
| What to say: | What to avoid: |
| “No pressure to be back to full capacity. Take your time.” “Your workload is covered. Don’t worry about anything while you settle in.” “If today gets heavy, let me know. We’ve sorted out a plan.” | “We’re so glad to have you back. We really missed you.” “How are you? Good? Great! Let’s jump into this week’s priorities.” Treating their return like the end of the story. |
Instead of ‘how are you?’, ask ‘how are you today?’ That one small word signals you’re opening up the space.
Co-Founder, Good Mourning
Practical ways managers can support grieving employees
As a leader, it’s crucial to have a plan in place before a grieving team member returns to work.
Sally encourages managers to consider a three-phased approach when supporting employees who are returning to work after a loss:
- A conversation before they come back: Check in, human-to-human. Explain that there’s no pressure to perform at full capacity immediately, and flag that you’re available if any day gets heavy.
- A flexible first few weeks: For knowledge workers, this could include reduced hours, phased responsibilities, and the option to work from home on harder days. For retail, hospitality, and frontline workers, this might look like an adjusted roster and shorter shifts in the early weeks or moving team members to back-of-house tasks like stock management on harder days.
- A plan for ongoing check-ins: Set a reminder for weeks 3, 6, and 10. Keep showing up past the point where it feels necessary.
It’s important to have a range of practical techniques and strategies ready to keep showing up for employees impacted by loss. Sally calls this “building your grief case”, and it can include:
- Code words: Short phrases like “Today is hard” can serve as a private signal that grieving employees can use to discreetly flag to their manager that they’re struggling.
- Proof pal: Assigning a trusted coworker who can quietly double-check important work during their return to reduce the cognitive load.
- Super supporter: A person (HR, peer, or manager) who is available at any point in the day for an extra layer of support.
- An escape plan: Giving grieving employees permission to work from home or step away from their desks to process their loss while returning to work.
Check in more than you think you need to. Most people don’t check in beyond the first couple of weeks, and that’s exactly when it gets harder.
Co-Founder, Good Mourning
How Sonder supports employees and organisations through grief
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. For many employees, the moments when they need support don’t fall neatly inside business hours, either.
That’s where Sonder is designed to step in. With 24/7 access to trained care specialists, employees navigating loss have somewhere to turn whenever they need it.
Confidential mental health support helps employees process grief at their own pace and in their own way, whether they’re an intuitive griever who needs to talk it through or an instrumental griever who needs something more structured. Manager support tools give leaders the guidance they need to respond with confidence, even when they’re not sure what to say.
For organisations facing collective grief, Sonder’s critical incident support helps teams hold loss together, rather than around it.
How you support someone who’s grieving shapes what they say about you, long after they’ve worked for you.
Co-Founder, Good Mourning
Grief is one of the most common human experiences. Workplace support for it shouldn’t be rare.
Download Sonder’s Grief at Work guide for 35 pages of practical tools for leaders and HR teams, or speak with our team about how Sonder’s mental health support services can support your people through loss.
FAQs
Grief isn’t only an emotional experience, it’s a cognitive one. It puts real strain on the brain’s prefrontal cortex, affecting decision-making, focus, and memory. In fact, one in three people in Good Mourning’s survey said grief affected their ability to think, focus, or remember, which can easily be mistaken for disengagement or poor performance at work.
Simple, pressure-free language helps most. Phrases like “no pressure to be back to full capacity” or “if today gets heavy, let me know, we’ve sorted out a plan” signal genuine care without demanding a response. Asking “how are you today?” rather than a generic “how are you?” also opens space for honesty.
Avoid treating someone’s return as the end of the story, or jumping straight into deadlines and priorities. Over-the-top welcomes like “we’re so glad to have you back, we really missed you” are well-meaning, but can pressure someone to perform wellbeing they don’t feel.
Longer than most organisations plan for. Sally recommends a three-phase approach: a conversation before someone returns to work, a flexible first few weeks, and a plan for ongoing check-ins at weeks 3, 6, and 10. The aim is to keep showing up well past the point where it feels necessary.
Sonder gives employees 24/7 access to trained care specialists, so support is there whenever grief hits, not just during business hours. It also gives managers practical tools and guidance to respond with confidence, and provides critical incident support for organisations navigating collective loss.
