At a glance:
Sonder counsellor Michelle Green offers a practical guide to navigating relationships at work, including:
- Why workplace relationships matter more than we think
- How to navigate a difficult relationship with a colleague
- Communication tools for tricky conversations
- Building relationships when you’re new to a team
Most of us spend nearly a third of our lives at work. That is on average, 90,000 hours at work over a lifetime. While we usually have some control over what we do, we rarely get a say in who we do it with.
Healthy workplace cultures are built by the people within an organisation. Every interaction and conversation influences whether teams are cohesive and collaborative, or people feel like they need to walk on eggshells.
And it’s not just about pretending to all agree or be on the same page. The most engaged, resilient teams are those that can disagree, raise concerns, and admit mistakes without fear of punishment or embarrassment. Psychological safety is embedded into the entire workplace, along with strong communication skills.
This is a leader’s guide to better workplace relationships, backed by practical tips and tools for navigating tricky situations at work.
Meet the expert
Michelle Green, Counsellor at Sonder
Michelle Green is a Counsellor at Sonder who brings a rapport-first, strengths-based approach to individual and family counselling, grief and bereavement support, and clinical supervision. She has more than six years of experience in helping individuals with a broad range of challenges, including workplace relationships.
Why do healthy workplace relationships matter?
A job isn’t just a job. For many of us, our job title is deeply tied to our identity and sense of self-worth. It’s a way of signalling our skills and experience, and can say a lot about who we are and what we value.
A job is a major part of our identity, and it plays a part in our feelings of self-worth.
Counsellor, Sonder
Throw in the fact that we spend the vast majority of our waking hours at work (or thinking about work), and it’s not hard to see why workplace relationships matter. For full-time employees, we usually have more repeated contact with our coworkers than anyone else in our lives.
And we can’t decide to opt out of having a relationship with our coworkers, either. When these relationships break down or become challenging, its impacts can be felt well beyond the traditional 9-5. Difficult conversations and tricky interactions can follow us home, impact our sleep and even lead to the dreaded Sunday scaries.
Work relationships are not like family, where you might be able to avoid your cousin at the family reunion… you have no choice.
Counsellor, Sonder
How do you handle difficult relationships at work?
Conflict, disagreements and tough conversations are all a part of normal working life. It’s impossible to get along with everyone we meet, and encountering differing points of view can help us gain new perspectives and spark fresh ways of thinking.
However, Michelle points to two questions we can ask ourselves to figure out when it’s time to take action to address a difficult relationship at work:
- Is this relationship affecting your mental health?
- Is this dynamic impacting your ability to do your job?
Each and every one of us has the right to feel safe in our workplace. We don’t deserve to be mistreated, disrespected, abused, or bullied in any way, shape, or form.
Counsellor, Sonder
A helpful place to start is to self-reflect and fact-check the situation. Asking questions like “Did I really hear that right?” or “Am I in a bad mood today, or is there a real problem?” can help to objectively assess the situation without overthinking.
From there, it’s worth considering whether you’re ready to act, and what action to take. Being mildly irritated by a coworker on a different floor that you rarely interact with probably doesn’t need action. On the flip side, if a close colleague’s behaviour is causing you to doubt your ability and dread coming into the office, it’s worth doing something about it.
That might look like raising your concerns with your manager or having an open, curious conversation with the person directly to clear the air.
Not every difficult relationship is the same: The steps above are for the everyday stuff, like a colleague you’re not quite clicking with, or a misunderstanding that needs clearing up. If you’re experiencing bullying, harassment, or abuse, that’s not something to work through alone. Tell someone in a position to help: your manager, HR, or a trusted contact.
Remember: The only part within your control is your own communication and conduct, not what other people say, do, or think about you.
You can only control what you can control… we can work on modelling good communication and treating other people with respect.
Counsellor, Sonder
What does effective workplace communication look like?
Effective communication at work often comes down to how you handle the trickiest moments, such as encountering a nosy question, taking ownership of a mistake, or clarifying a message that could be misread.
Michelle shares practical tips for how to practice effective communication at work, even in those small, awkward moments:
- Don’t be afraid to set boundaries on personal questions: While questions about your personal life often come from a good place, you’re allowed to pass on sharing private information. Try a short, polite decline like, “Thanks for asking, but I’d rather not get into that right now.”
- Learn how to own a mistake well: Nobody enjoys getting things wrong. But hiding it is one of the least effective ways to handle it. Michelle shares a handy three-part framework: describe what happened, sincerely apologise, and share your plan for next steps. Managers would always rather hear solutions than unfixed problems.
- Be mindful of tone in written communication: Emails and Slack messages can often remove helpful context (even a well-placed emoji won’t make clunky phrasing land). If something you’ve written could land the wrong way, a quick follow-up to clarify goes a long way. Equally, if you receive a message that feels off, it’s worth asking for clarification before assuming the worst.
The goal isn’t striving for perfection. Instead, the best communication prioritises clarity, honesty, and a willingness to check in when something feels unclear.
You are allowed to have boundaries here… your life, your rules.
Counsellor, Sonder
Keep reading: Unsure how to give timely, supportive feedback at work? Learn the art of delivering effective feedback.
How do you build positive relationships as a new starter?
Starting in a new job can be daunting. Along with getting up to speed on your role, you’ve got new personalities, new team dynamics, and a new company culture to figure out.
But Michelle shares a helpful reminder for new starters:
Absolutely every single person you’re going to meet at your job also had a first day.
Counsellor, Sonder
In fact, the early days of a job are the easiest time to ask questions. It shows you’re engaged, willing to learn, and curious about how the team operates.
Plus, there are other helpful ways you can foster new connections when starting a job, such as:
- Using small, non-verbal signals (like nodding and sustained eye contact) to show that you’re actively listening.
- Asking open-ended questions to build rapport, rather than sticking to close yes/no questions.
- Being deliberate and intentional about reaching out as a remote worker, such as greeting others in team Slack channels or scheduling social calls at the end of the week.
Michelle’s biggest tip when joining a new team? Avoid getting pulled into gossip or negative behaviour. Complaining just to feel “part of the team” early on only serves to undermine the connections you’re trying to build.
Good workplace relationships will always come down to one thing: good communication happening in all directions.
Counsellor, Sonder
Empower your people to foster healthy relationships at work
Not every situation needs to be worked through alone. From having difficult conversations to supporting coworkers who aren’t coping, Sonder’s self-help resources help your team navigate tricky situations at work.
Need to chat through an issue in real-time? Sonder’s team of Care Specialists are available 24/7 via chat or call (with an average response time of just 30 seconds).
They can refer you to speak to our experts, like Michelle, to help you prepare for a difficult conversation, plan how to support a struggling colleague, or simply get a second opinion on a work relationship that’s worrying you.
Ready to see how Sonder can support your team? Request a demo today.
FAQs
Ask yourself two things: is it affecting your mental health, and is it affecting your ability to do your job? If the answer to either is yes, it’s worth acting on — whether that’s a direct conversation with the person or raising it with your manager. Minor friction with someone you rarely interact with usually doesn’t need the same response.
A short, polite decline works better than over-explaining. Try something like “Thanks for asking, but I’d rather not get into that right now.” You’re allowed to keep parts of your life private at work.
Everyday friction — a colleague you’re not quite clicking with, a misunderstanding — is something to work through yourself. Bullying, harassment or abuse isn’t. If that’s what you’re experiencing, tell someone in a position to help, such as your manager or HR, rather than handling it alone.
Ask questions early (it’s expected, not a weakness), show you’re listening through small cues like eye contact, use open-ended questions to build rapport, and if you’re remote, make a point of checking in — a hello in the team Slack channel counts. Avoid getting pulled into gossip early on.
